Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The naked dream of diabetics?

I have had this dream many times.  One day several years ago, I think I made some sense of it.  Here's the dream:

I am somewhere in a public place.  I'm all or partially naked.  I have to get from where I am to somewhere else.  I believe that I can make this journey with no one realizing that anything is out of the ordinary.  I just have to be confident and behave as if everything is just fine.  That's the dream.  I always pull it off.  No one ever says anything or regards me as if anything is wrong at all.  I'm very stressed, but I can cover that with words and actions.  The need for isolation is intense.

Sound familiar?  If you are a diabetic, this is what it feels like to suddenly have a low.  You know that you are vulnerable and exposed, but no one else seems to.  You can have a reflexive conversation, one in which you are able to parrot a few words back.  You can answer simple questions.  You can walk. You just have to really concentrate about what you are trying to do.  The place that you are going is to where you know there is food.

I haven't had this dream in the nearly two and a half years since my islet cell transplant.  Before that, I probably had it about a dozen times in the last 5 years.

Now that I am back using some insulin, I have decided to do things a little differently this second time around.  I'm attempting to be more open about how I am feeling.  I even had a long talk with my supervisor at work.  We developed a plan of action for if I become low at work and have to stop and take some time to get back to normal.  There will probably be other adjustments that I will make in my behavior like this.  I'm going to be easier on myself.  This time, I know its not just my inability to dose my insulin adequately or just the aging process.  It really is hard to get it right every time.

I had the dream where I was naked a few nights ago.  I asked for help and someone gave me some clothes with no judgement or hesitation.

1 comment:

Kaitake said...

You describe it so well! Ive never really stopped to consider exactly how it "feels" when low before. And having a plan at work with you boss is a great idea, I might talk to my boss about this idea too :)

Have a great Christmas! :D